Jordio Kinesiology – with Jordie Slonim | Melbourne, Australia

Kinesiology & Vibrational Healing


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Shame Resilience: My Mother’s Day Experience

 

For me, Mother’s Day reminds me of two things. My feelings towards my own mother and my feelings about not being a mother. This is not the same every year, but this year, these feelings have taken over.

The feelings I get the majority of the time when I am around my mother, or going to be around her are dread, draining, inadequacy, guilt, not belonging, not good enough, disconnection, inauthentic, and deep deep shame. I have done an abundance of work around issues with her. And despite all the work I’ve done, I still feel shame not only with the issues with her, but also shame about the feelings I have. Especially when I have so much empathy with her about her own experiences.

I made a list of the emerging emotions around issues with my mother and issues with not being a mother and they are alarmingly similar! Today, however, I am going to lean towards addressing the experiences in regards to my own mother.

I was on my way to my mother’s house yesterday, walking along, an abundance of negative self talk (about the feelings about my mother), going through my head (I’m an asshole, I’m mean, I’m spoilt, I have no gratitude, I hate myself for feeling like this, I’m ashamed), and desperately wanting to smoke (I quit 4 years ago) or wanting some cake type thing (I still do this!).

So there I am, perpetuating the shame experience by either indulging in, or thinking about undertaking behaviours where I believe I should be isolated – eating crap & smoking. And when I do eat crap now, it is in isolation.

These behaviours don’t align with two of my core values of authenticity & connection.

Instead I want to disconnect – numb and be inauthentic by hiding my way of ‘coping’.

I suddenly remembered some work I’ve been doing in Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly & Rising Strong courses I have been looking at all that I do, say, think, feel & running them through these values – authenticity & connection, my driving forces.

So I came back to authenticity and connection – the resources that help me show up when I lose sight of my way and those shaming thoughts take over.

The only way to pull myself out of the shame I feel is to reconnect with my heart space & my reminder through the day became to shower myself with love & empathy, to love myself even though I feel this way.

From my work in Kinesiology & working with clients, I come back to reminding myself in my more logical moments, that the reaction I am having is an emotional one and that part of my brain has taken the reigns & logic is tied to the back of the horse carriage by a rope, stumbling along, trying to catch up to help steer the carriage. My entire being, in this reactional state, has gone into either a fight mode, fly away mode, freeze – just stop dead in its tracks or fragmentation mode – where I am trying to fight, fly away & freeze all at the same time and my being doesn’t know where its at.

In a kinesiology session, one of the techniques we often work with to help move through this kind of state are subconscious sabotages. We use a combination of tapping and the following phrase (the wording changes with some variables), along with an emotion, to clear whatever obstacle or sabotage our subconscious patterning is putting in the way of us moving forward with an issue:

For Example

In spite of this conflict in attitude about shame around my mother, I deeply and profoundly love, accept, respect and appreciate myself.”

So, along with reconnecting with my values of connection and authenticity, I found the variables, did the technique and released that deep emotional state that took hold……

Then I showered myself in love and empathy. And not in the form of cake either!

I don’t think I’m alone with my feelings about being around my mother and my feelings about not being a mother.

To stay authentic and connected, I am showing up and being seen with this experience.

I am writing this so whoever reads this and can relate with the emotions of the experiences, can know that they are not alone. I have been second guessing about whether to put this out there or not, for several reasons, one of which is that someone I know has lost her mother today. And also, because I look at all the flak people receive in the media for speaking about things like this and it almost stops me.

This time, I won’t let it stop me. The importance of connection and authenticity far outweigh any flak I might receive for any of the content of this article.

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Clearing sabotage programs with Kinesiology

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Do you ever have trouble making decisions?

Have you ever felt on the fence about an issue, or that you are taking both sides?

Do you ever feel like you want something, but maybe there’s also a part of you that doesn’t want it at the same time?

Many people will say in a Kinesiology session…

“But I want to be healthy/ lose weight/ express myself/meet a new partner!!! Why aren’t I doing it?”

This is your conscious self: the desire is there, but your subconscious creates blocks. The conscious mind controls between 1–5 % of your brain’s processing power.

So the other 95 – 99% is controlled by subconscious, unconscious, autonomic & automatic systems.

In Kinesiology, in order for you to move towards your goals, we tap into the subconscious to find what part of that 1 – 5 % of your conscious self is limiting you and your desire for change.

This is one way that Kinesiology is a very powerful tool for change.

Subconsciously you may believe you can have one thing, but not the other and the idea of achieving your goal can bring up subconscious fears.

Here are some examples:

  • Lose weight OR feel safe
  • Put yourself first OR be liked by others
  • Express yourself OR feel safe/liked
  • Meet a new partner OR stay true to me
  • Be your authentic self OR be part of a tribe

In Kinesiology, we work towards having both, for example, losing weight AND feeling safe.

Think about your conscious self like a glass of water. Now, think about your subconscious self like a dam.

The subconscious will bring to the surface what may be blocking you. The subconscious wants to keep your safe, almost like a ‘better the devil you know’ scenario. If you don’t feel safe, it can be less than easy to create change.

It’s a survival need. It can block you from achieving your goals.

You may feel like you’d like to change something – a habit, belief, pattern, reaction, however if you do then….fill in the blanks. The blanks are usually fears about what would happen if I didn’t have that habit, belief, feeling, pattern, reaction to fall back on, so that I can feel safe.

Most people have something like this going on – it is usually called a vice.

Do you have any vices?

Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you reach for the chocolate or junk food?

Do you avoid certain situations?

Do you over-dramatise in certain situations?

Are you shy about expressing your true self?

In Kinesiology, we call these sabotage programs

They’re triggered by the need to survive. At one time a decision served you well or met your needs.

So reaching for that drink, cigarette, biscuit served you once. However, it may no longer be an appropriate response.

A sabotage could be seen as a ‘glitch in the matrix’. And that glitch is more powerful than your desire to create change, health, happiness, success.

A sabotage program inhibits the healing process, so they are quite a common occurrence within a Kinesiology session.

Those of you who’ve had Kinesiology will no doubt have had to clear at least one sabotage to achieving your goal.

Through clearing these blocks, we can work towards you achieving your goals, with greater freedom and ease.

Ready to clear a sabotage program?

Would you like to discover areas of your life where you may be sabotaging yourself?

Book a Kinesiology appointment or find out more, by contacting Jordie.