Jordio Kinesiology – with Jordie Slonim | Melbourne, Australia

Kinesiology & Vibrational Healing


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Duality/ Nonduality of Panic & Resilience

Have you ever felt panicked or anxious?

What story do you tell yourself when you’re in the middle of it?

When you dig into it, you’re likely to discover its usually an ‘I’m not good enough’ story.

IMG_0045In Kinesiology, we work on every aspect of self. So what happens physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, hormonally, chemically, relationally, socially when you are in a perpetual, daily state of fight, flight, freeze, fragmentation?

I remember 3 distinct times I went through extended periods of panic attacks. 

The physiology in each event was fairly similar. Nervousness around my solar plexus, denseness of breath, waking up, navigating my day, going to bed – all with a sense of panic & dread, not eating (definitely not my usual stress response). And not knowing when it would end was excruciating.

The first of these panic experiences, I was living in London, and after a series of stressful events, Iwitnessed a physical attack on my girlfriend.

The second was living in Ireland, 13 years later & breaking up with that same girlfriend.

The most recent was within the last 6 weeks, after my housemate was verbally abusive & aggressive,and, subsequently, needing to find a new housemate.

So, Panic. What is it?

Physiologically, we are programmed for survival. Our primitive responses kick in. To keep us alive. The digestive & reproductive systems slow, blood is directed to our arms & legs so we can either run away or fight. We become fully present in this fight/ flight response. Everything is about that. 

It forces you to be present, and yet not, at the same time. It’s not the only thing, but it is the only thing you can give to. Duality.

Within the housemate event, almost everything else in my life stopped. I did the bare minimum of work. My client base dropped, all extra work on creating my kinesiology protocols abated. All I could think about was – I need a new housemate.

And, with my current awarenesses through kinesiology & other tools & exploration of duality, navigating these panic attacks was a different experience.

The only tool that got me through that stage of extreme panic, was saying to myself, “Right now, in this second, I am good. I have a roof, I have a bed, I have food.”, over & over, sometimes hundreds of times a day, to navigate the physiology.

Amidst the physical sensations of panic, I knew I was telling myself a story, an ‘I’m not good enough’ story. 

Not good enough stories are about shame. Shame is a trauma response. So is panic. So maybe under every panic attack there’s a not good enough story. So I asked that panic feeling some questions.

And this is what I discovered:

My housemate not good enough story I was telling myself was, “No one wants me.” I was messaging loads of people & loads of them either didn’t respond or found one tiny thing wrong with the place. It was rare someone contacted me to see the space. 

After understanding this story & managing to employ SOME of my tools, I flipped the story, to embody ‘I am beautiful’, (a less than easy thing for me to write). 

Things changed, I had people contacting me, lots of them. And after I found someone, still lots of them were contacting me. 

By the way, an absolutely crucial element of bringing yourself out of shame is to share your story with someone you trust. “If you put shame in a petri dish and cover it with judgement, silence and secrecy, it grows out of control.” Brene Brown – ‘I Thought It Was Just Me (But It isn’t)

Sometimes, words mean nothing. Sometimes you just need someone with you in empathy, possibly saying something like, ‘this fucking sucks’. You simply need to be heard & seen, to help you out of that secrecy, silence & judgement. So I contacted a friend, something I wouldn’t have done before because I wouldn’t want to be a burden.

Sound familiar?

Over the past 8 or so years, since I broke up with the aforementioned girlfriend, through kinesiology, I have cleared many layers of what has been getting in the way of building & trusting my own resilience.

In the middle of this excruciating panic, alongside the reveal of this ‘No one wants me story’ I was able to have an awareness of the duality of the absolute gift of this situation. This housemate has been a magnificent teacher.

Her behaviour showed me the underlying childhood pattern playing out:

From childhood, here’s how it went…

  •  I do something ‘wrong’, 
  • there is verbal abuse, 
  • sometimes hitting, 
  • always name calling, 
  • I wouldn’t understand what I had done, 
  • no one would tell me, 
  • I would be ignored 
  • an eggshell environment was created
  • a few days later, they would act like nothing happened.

Two of my biggest shame triggers – Rejection and being Ignored.

Except for the hitting part, my housemate played this scenario out exactly!

And, I am abundantly grateful that while it was happening 

  1. I stayed aligned with my values of connection & autenticity, 
  2. I didn’t treat her how she treated me & for the most part kept calm
  3. I stood up for myself
  4. I could see this pattern from childhood

Resilience. 

Its only through building resilience & trust in my core values as guiding lights, that I feel totally magnificent about how I showed up, my integrity in tact, that I was able to celebrate that afterwards & didn’t do what I would usually do – give myself a hard time.

 During the housemate altercation, I could BE in the duality of the moment – the panic AND seeing the big picture with absolute love & compassion.

Finding a new housemate – the duality of panic about my ‘No one wants me’ story AND embodying the new ‘I am beautiful’ story at the same time. Being the compassionate witness, watching myself navigating the duality of the two stories – facsinating.

Panic. Shame. Resilience. Calm.

Can you be in both extremes of something simultaneously? The dualities?


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Embodying Presence

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Ten years ago, around this time of year, I was presenting my graduate performance choreography, “In The Absence of Presence” for my Bachelor of Arts in Performance Studies.

It was a challenging time as my then partner and I were at the same time planning to move back to live in Ireland where her family live.

I decided to do the piece, as for the year before, my partner was living in Ireland and I was in Australia. At that stage, we had been together for 10 years. The theme of the piece was about what I was going through, living away from my partner for a year. Absence, longing, belonging, waiting, waiting, waiting.

At the time of making the work, I had glimmers of what it was really about, glimmers that I quickly shoved aside.

It was really about being absent from my own presence. I was lost. I didn’t know who I was for a long time before I made the choreography and for a very long time afterwards.

I had a kinesiology session today and something wonderful emerged with what I have been experiencing of late.

My way to move to the next stage of connection, expansion, balance and growth is to embody presence.

I have been intellectualising my spiritual self and abandoning it at the same time. I’ve been resisting that I can trust the flow of spiritual growth. I’ve been in a state of looking for proof of anything and everything instead of leaning into the joy of what I love with Kinesiology and the research I’ve been doing to develop new protocols, ironically, one new protocol about elements of trust.

I haven’t been integrating spiritual growth with other aspects of myself.

Over the last few months, many of my clients have needed brain integration balancing, and many of those sessions have also been about being present.

The techniques I employ in a kinesiology session, in these cases, to do with brain integration, not only help clients become more present in their lives, they also have had spectacular results in gaining clarity for decision making, gaining focus, clearing brain fog, and moving forward with ease and confidence in trusting the entirety of their being.

In our growth, integration of all aspects of self, even those parts we may not necessarily want to integrate, go to make us whole. In clearing the blockages to integration, we move our whole self forward, embodying presence.

How do you embody presence?


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Shame Resilience: My Mother’s Day Experience

 

For me, Mother’s Day reminds me of two things. My feelings towards my own mother and my feelings about not being a mother. This is not the same every year, but this year, these feelings have taken over.

The feelings I get the majority of the time when I am around my mother, or going to be around her are dread, draining, inadequacy, guilt, not belonging, not good enough, disconnection, inauthentic, and deep deep shame. I have done an abundance of work around issues with her. And despite all the work I’ve done, I still feel shame not only with the issues with her, but also shame about the feelings I have. Especially when I have so much empathy with her about her own experiences.

I made a list of the emerging emotions around issues with my mother and issues with not being a mother and they are alarmingly similar! Today, however, I am going to lean towards addressing the experiences in regards to my own mother.

I was on my way to my mother’s house yesterday, walking along, an abundance of negative self talk (about the feelings about my mother), going through my head (I’m an asshole, I’m mean, I’m spoilt, I have no gratitude, I hate myself for feeling like this, I’m ashamed), and desperately wanting to smoke (I quit 4 years ago) or wanting some cake type thing (I still do this!).

So there I am, perpetuating the shame experience by either indulging in, or thinking about undertaking behaviours where I believe I should be isolated – eating crap & smoking. And when I do eat crap now, it is in isolation.

These behaviours don’t align with two of my core values of authenticity & connection.

Instead I want to disconnect – numb and be inauthentic by hiding my way of ‘coping’.

I suddenly remembered some work I’ve been doing in Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly & Rising Strong courses I have been looking at all that I do, say, think, feel & running them through these values – authenticity & connection, my driving forces.

So I came back to authenticity and connection – the resources that help me show up when I lose sight of my way and those shaming thoughts take over.

The only way to pull myself out of the shame I feel is to reconnect with my heart space & my reminder through the day became to shower myself with love & empathy, to love myself even though I feel this way.

From my work in Kinesiology & working with clients, I come back to reminding myself in my more logical moments, that the reaction I am having is an emotional one and that part of my brain has taken the reigns & logic is tied to the back of the horse carriage by a rope, stumbling along, trying to catch up to help steer the carriage. My entire being, in this reactional state, has gone into either a fight mode, fly away mode, freeze – just stop dead in its tracks or fragmentation mode – where I am trying to fight, fly away & freeze all at the same time and my being doesn’t know where its at.

In a kinesiology session, one of the techniques we often work with to help move through this kind of state are subconscious sabotages. We use a combination of tapping and the following phrase (the wording changes with some variables), along with an emotion, to clear whatever obstacle or sabotage our subconscious patterning is putting in the way of us moving forward with an issue:

For Example

In spite of this conflict in attitude about shame around my mother, I deeply and profoundly love, accept, respect and appreciate myself.”

So, along with reconnecting with my values of connection and authenticity, I found the variables, did the technique and released that deep emotional state that took hold……

Then I showered myself in love and empathy. And not in the form of cake either!

I don’t think I’m alone with my feelings about being around my mother and my feelings about not being a mother.

To stay authentic and connected, I am showing up and being seen with this experience.

I am writing this so whoever reads this and can relate with the emotions of the experiences, can know that they are not alone. I have been second guessing about whether to put this out there or not, for several reasons, one of which is that someone I know has lost her mother today. And also, because I look at all the flak people receive in the media for speaking about things like this and it almost stops me.

This time, I won’t let it stop me. The importance of connection and authenticity far outweigh any flak I might receive for any of the content of this article.


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The Magical Worry Box

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During one of my first units in my Diploma of Kinesiology – quite some time ago now, I was introduced to this technique of using a Worry Box.

Dunno who first came up with this technique, but to be honest, it hasn’t come up all that much in the years I have been both practicing Kinesiology & as a client.

But now…to me…it has become… The Magical Worry Box…..

The way it works is, you write down all your worries, individually on slips of paper & place them in the worry box. We then test for how many minutes a day & if there is a specific time of day for you to open this box & look at all the worries inside.

So it may be tested in a Kinesiology session, that you need to work with your worry box, say after dinner, for 10 minutes.

You take each piece of paper out in turn & say one says, “When will I get the vacuuming done?” – you then consider, “Do I want to worry about that?”, if you do, worry, then put it back in the box for tomorrow if you choose, or throw it away. If you find yourself thinking about any of the worries in the box at other times, you need to say to yourself,

Stop, you can deal with that later at your allotted time.”

Your worries may be about absolutely anything – from cleaning the house, to dealing with an illness. From your child going to a party, to issues in your relationship…..anything.

The point is choice. Choosing that these worries do NOT consume your life.

I have been doing this of late to deal with a particular situation where I have been perpetually overthinking, feeling anxious & trying to work something through.

So I decided to utilise this technique of The Magical Worry Box to help me.

Every night at 9:50 PM for 5 minutes, I open my box & look at my worries.

I have discovered several quite interesting things!!

Part of this technique is any time I start thinking about those things during the day, I interrupt myself & say: “Stop Jords, you can deal with that later at your allotted time.”

Now, in simply bringing awareness to every time I am thinking about those things, I am astounded at how much time & energy I am giving to my worries – basically to these things I have absolutely no control over!!!!!!

Say I’m awake for 16 hours in the day on average, I have actually been focusing on these things for about 4-6 hours out of every day.

I was shocked!

Then I stared to think of all the things I could have been thinking about, putting energy into instead!

I actually had to laugh at myself!!!!

The irony is, I get to my worry box, I look at the stuff in it & I’ve realised that it’s actually changed how I feel about it.

In giving myself permission to worry, it has taken the need or the habit of worry away. I have realised, it has almost become a habitual response to something I don’t understand & wish to. Just because I want to understand, does not mean I am going to understand in this way & worrying about it does very little other than taking up a lot of time & energy. I have been giving this situation so much power over me, doing this technique has helped me to start to channel this energy into the things that I want to.

When we interrupt negative thoughts or habitual patterns, or any patterns for that matter, whatever they are about, we start to develop new ways of dealing, new habits, new neural pathways. We design the way we want to live & what we want to focus on, rather than what we have always focused on or the way that we have always focused.

So, I ask you:

Is there anything that you are perpetually worrying about, putting lots of energy into? Would you like to be using that energy in other ways?


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What is Surrogation in a Kinesiology Session?

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Have you ever felt confused by your behaviour or how you are functioning?

Ever thought, “I don’t usually behave this way?” or “Why won’t my left leg work?”

You may be surrogating.

When we hear the word surrogate, we usually think of a woman who has agreed to carry a child in her womb for someone else.

Well it’s a similar concept in a kinesiology, but not quite the same thing.

Like I do most weeks, I had a wonderful practice session with one of my fellow Kinesiologists.

We were working away, and on separate occasions, it turned out I was surrogating, firstly for a family member, and then for her – my fellow Kinesiologist!!! And on top of that, within surrogating for her, one of my organs was also surrogating for another!

So what is surrogation – in terms of a Kinesiology session?

We surrogate, or take on the problems of others for several reasons. Either because we want to help someone or help a situation or because we are avoiding dealing with our own stuff, or we may be too empathetic…..or a combination of the of any of these!!!!

In our practice this time, I was pretty much wanting to avoid my own stuff!

When a person surrogates for another, they usually have something in common, like an emotion or a situation & its like who they are gets confused. So the confusion can become – Who’s problem is it?

Functioning becomes confused.

If I surrogate for a friend who is going through a traumatic time, I can take on her problem & feel her pain as if its my own. I am affected by the process.

So the question becomes, “Am I functioning as myself or someone else?”

You may even surrogate for a group mindset, often to fit in at work or with a group of friends. Like peer pressure.

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We may not just surrogate for others. There may be a part of us that is taking on the issues for another part of us. As an example, one muscle may surrogate for another muscle. It may surrogate for an organ. An acupuncture point may surrogate for another to help in some way. If you fell off your bike onto your knee, the other knee may surrogate for it by compensating to adjust.

In the midst of a Kinesiology session, surrogation is something I test for fairly frequently. And it often shows up, especially for those of you out there who are naturally inclined to want to help.

Do you think you could be surrogating in some way? Maybe trying to deal with stuff that is not your responsibility?

Book in a session & see if you are functioning as yourself, or as someone else. Is this your issue, or someone else’s?

Contact me on 0420 649 611 or at jords367@gmail.com


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Choosing Your Path: The 11:11 Gateway

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As part of a beautiful, uplifting 11:11 Gateway clearing done with my new fellow practitioners at Solar heart Healing House, I set the above cards, crystals & oil to manifest my intention.

In all kinesiology sessions, we work on all aspects of your being – mentally, physically, spiritually, energetically, emotionally, socially, financially etc.

No matter the technique used, we work to peel back the layers to find the root cause, where it is stored or blocked in your body, how it is affecting you, who, if anyone is involved & find what we can do about it. 

Things have felt fairly tumultuous the last few months. It seems a common theme has emerged for myself & people around me. For friends, clients, people I’ve met recently.

It’s been quite a journey.

There have been some common triggers showing up, for clients, friends & myself:

  • not being good enough
  • rejection
  • do I fit in?
  • ambiguity
  • putting others needs ahead of my own
  • being ignored

I have been shown all these triggers, all these things that have pushed my buttons, to show me how I have undervalued myself. By putting myself in situations or around people who don’t appreciate what I bring to the table, I have been setting myself up to constantly be rejected, to be ignored, to show me I wasn’t good enough, that I don’t fit in, that I put other’s needs ahead of mine & I’m inviting people who are ambiguous & unclear.

I have looked deeply into these issues. I have been shown for example, the effect of the lack of clarity from another person. That a person’s words may be clear, but when those words are contradictory to their actions, their body language, the energy they are exuding, and this is their consistent way of interacting with me, the effect on me is that it triggers me to doubt my beautiful, innate intuition & insight. That I am not good enough around this person.

Even amongst all that lack of clarity being thrown at me, I have gained tremendous growth in leaving behind old patterns, habits & even people who cannot appreciate my value.

And in taking responsibility for clearing these patterns for me, it further enhances my growth & the growth of those concerned.

These are the energies of this 11/11 Stargate. To purge ourselves of these old aspects to make way for what will greater serve our purpose in this world. To release limitations placed upon us by ourselves & others & situations we are in.

Kinesiology sessions have helped me & my clients to find & clear our triggers in such a profound way, to show us where & how to grow.

I have been working with these triggers on myself, but I have found it has been quite a dominating theme for my clients as well over the last few months.

We are all transforming. We have needed to release these triggers. Realising that the triggers, patterns & habits that may have shaped us in the past, are no longer serving us. We are opening to walk through this 11:11 gateway of manifestation showing our true authentic selves.. In releasing the dross of our old patterning, we allow ourselves to recalibrate with the flow of energy of our choosing.

I am here to connect. I facilitate connection. Connecting myself & others, others with others, people with aspects of themselves or places or situations to allow themselves to grow fully into their true essence.

This is how I choose to walk through the 11:11 Gateway. Expanding my gift of facilitating connections.

How do you choose to recalibrate yourself?

With what intention would you like to walk through this Gateway of 11:11?

 


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Navigating The Polarity of Painful Experience

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Five years ago today, without even realising at the time, I began my journey towards Kinesiology. My journey arose out of a very painful experience.

If you ask any Kinesiologist how they came to Kinesiology, each story is unique & varied, but most often, it has been from a profound personal experience.

I feel that this is how we each facilitate our clients in our own individual way & why clients are attracted to seek Kinesiology from specific individuals.

We all go through painful experiences, whether it’s something physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, energetic or otherwise.Through my own experience & those of my clients, it feels like often we gain the greatest understanding, growth & expansion, through those times.

There are however, always positives in every situation, no matter how negative or harsh it may seem – although it certainly doesn’t feel like it at the time!!!!

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There are opportunities to grow & approach things through greater awareness & an openness to receive help & make new choices.

I am abundantly grateful for every situation & challenge presented over the last 5 years (and before of course, but for these purposes, I’ll stick to this time period).

Each situation & challenge has demonstrated to me where & how I can grow, showing me how I can respond differently, more in alignment with my true self, to help myself through, rather than hindering me & getting in my own way.

I am also abundantly grateful to each person who has joined me for part of, or all of this healing journey over the last five years. I feel honoured to be in the company of people (both professionally & otherwise), who have offered wonderful insights, love, nurture & wonderful friendship.

Often these people don’t know how much a kind word or action, one simple thing has helped dissipate a situation profoundly!!!

And, I am grateful to myself for asking for help & opening myself up to allow myself to receive it!!!!

I saw something on Facebook that really hit me:

I didn’t need you to fix me. I needed you to love me while I fix myself”

One of my aims, both professionally & personally, is to hold a space of love for people, whether I am actively helping them, or just being there, laughing with them or crying with them. All those polar opposites & everything in between.

To hold a space of love.


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Clearing Out The Leftovers

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I am often amazed, challenged, inspired & sometimes dazzled about the things that can come up in a Kinesiology session. For my clients, but also for myself.

I had a session last week, which was phenomenal. Most of what came up in this session was quite unexpected, the balancing techniques needed were awesomely varied & the results enlightening, exhilarating, producing a profound sense of freedom.

Now, many of the issues that came up were old ones. The stuff I thought I’d dealt with.

One of the major lessons I have learnt about old stuff resurfacing & Kinesiology, is that it will come up in different ways, in varied layers & only when we are ready for the next layer to be cleared.

My Kinesiologist last week lovingly called this “leftovers”.

The term “Leftovers” is absolutely perfect in describing what came up.

Many of my clients, in session, when a particular issue or person or theme comes up, will say,

“But I’ve already dealt with that!!!”

I do too.

We often have particular things that will keep coming up in different sessions, because there are many layers of clearing needed to release different aspects of dealing with the issue, person or situation.

Human beings, in fact all life forms, are constantly seeking balance, harmony, equilibrium. The Chinese view the whole Universe as Yin/ Yang. Each has a polarity, but needs each other to be a complete unit. Neither Yin, nor Yang can stand alone. Our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual & energetic beings, when out of balance, will often look to the opposite extreme, the polarity to find balance.

In Kinesiology, we have many many techniques which utilise these principals.

We actually call a Kinesiology session a balance!!

In the world we live in, nature functions in a spiral manner. So there is always giving & receiving. This type of energy is all around us & inside of us. There is a delicate balancing act in order for us to feel stable, grounded, connected. There are polarities, negative & positive energies which need to be in harmony.

Both our inner & outer worlds work with spiral energy.

In our outer environment, the weather patterns, the currents of the oceans, the solar system involve spiral patterns of giving & receiving.

In our inner environments, our DNA, our fingerprints involve spiral energy. Our thoughts, actions, emotions, all involve patterns of giving & receiving in our actions.

So in reference to the “leftovers”, in life we often stumble over the same or a similar kind of lesson. We go through several stages of growth with everything we do, in a spiral pattern.

So rather than thinking or feeling like we are going around in circles, we can approach this from a perspective that we are on a spiral path of awareness.

On our spiral pattern of growth, we may hit a roadblock. As we learn the next stage of a lesson, we are able to pass that point on the spiral in a more gentle & easy manner. And clearing these roadblocks allows us to learn new aspects of a lesson & move towards where we want to be with less stress.

The thing I find most fascinating about these “leftovers”, is that the reason they came to the surface in this way, was all because my body didn’t want to take a supplement for my adrenals!!!! The need for the supplement came up in a previous balance to increase energy levels.

The irony is, my energy levels were being depleted on an energetic level, (not at first on a physical level), because of these “leftovers”. So my body has been trying to process the “leftovers”, through increasing physical energy, but not allowing itself to because of the energetic ‘leftovers’.

All aspects of my being needed to be balanced to allow the processing to happen, so I could feel more energised.

Well, I had to laugh!!!! Actually, we both had a laugh, a good laugh about it.

The energy of these “leftovers” was circling around, circling around, until it found the right avenue, the right pathway to progress. To progress along a spiral path of growth, rather than a path of going around in circles.

Do you have any issues that seem to keep going around in circles?


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The Expectation of Joy: A Balancing Act

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Last Sunday, I happened to go into a park to eat my lunch & I was pleasantly surprised to find a couple of ducks with about 12 babies, wondering around, going about their business. I was inspired.

I had my camera with me & took many many shots.

The sun was beaming down beautifully, making the water glisten & sparkle with fairy lights. There were an array of the smells of spring filling the air. It wasn’t too cold or warm. There were other people around & other ducks & birds too.

I was watching this little family unit & their dealings in their environment. The little ducklings were going about their business, finding things in the grass to eat, having a swim, struggling to climb back out of the pond. All the while, Mama & Papa duck were keeping an eye out. When a child or adult, or another duck would get to close, Papa would assume attack position & charge. It was rather amusing.

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This was a wonderful encounter with the unexpected.

On the flip side…..

Things come up that can throw us off balance. That shake our world. As human beings, we all have expectations. For me, the issue with having expectations, is what I go through when what I am expecting either doesn’t happen at all, or happens in a different way.

Now I don’t know about you, but this happens with me in varying degrees. There is a scale from, “OK, I can deal with this”, to “Oh no, my whole world is falling apart!!!” And anywhere in between.

So for me, most recently, I experienced the:

“Oh no, my whole world is falling apart!”

I realised the next day that it wasn’t that bad, but I had made it that bad, mainly with negative self talk, but also because my expectation for this event was incredibly high. I had placed a lot of time & energy into the expectation of this experience.

A few months ago, as part of my Kinesiology training, we covered a unit about Codependency.

Codependency can be seen as an emotional & behavioural condition which affects your ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. Codependents will often have low self esteem & look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. This can become a cycle of feeling powerless in your own life. We are often trapped by feelings of deficiency.

Sound familiar anyone?!!!

Us humans, we are codependent. We need human interaction. This can have a functional side – being there for someone, listening, sharing both the good & bad, and it can also have a dysfunctional side, in my case, a need to be needed.

In kinesiology, we work with this to become aware of your codependent behaviour, to elevate responses & shift towards better self care & self responsibility.

First step is awareness & the second step is acceptance.

When we can shift to a state of more independence, we can move from thinking we are not enough, or deficient, & more towards self love. To feel that it is safe to be me. To thinking, ‘I love myself the way I am’.

Interdependence is where individuals interact for mutual benefit with mutual love, respect, trust, interconnections & compassion. In a society we are each interdependent – others depend on me to do my job & I depend on others to do theirs.

Interdependence allows you to feel more in choice, living from spirit & higher self. We can say what we want without expectation, we can stay connected with someone & remain independent at the same time. This is where I would like to get to on a more permanent basis!!!

In the past, my need to be needed has at times been compulsive, like an addiction (Addiction to Distraction) I used to want to rescue people all the time. This need of mine not only didn’t serve me, but it ultimately didn’t serve others either.

I have since worked through many of those issues, however, those needs still do pop up. I have come to a place, most of the time, where I am more aware of them now, & can step in more towards independence & interdependence.

I have noticed a link between my need to be needed, my codependent tendency, the expectations that I have & the energy I put into those expectations. Not just expectations of other people, but of things & events as well. I have also recognised my tendency to look to things outside of myself to help me through, like this event.

Do any of you recognise any of these things in your interactions with people?

“No person, place or thing can give you happiness. They may give you cause for happiness and a feeling of contentment, but the joy of Living comes from within.”

Genevieve Behrend

I saw this quote around the same time I went into my “Oh no, my whole world is falling apart!” experience. It helped me to understand that all that energy of expectation in this event was about the joy I was bringing to the event, not the event itself.

And I can bring that same expectation of joy to anything. Because it comes from within. Not from people or events outside of me!!!!

I found my joy of living, quite unexpectedly on that Sunday, observing & photographing this family of ducks. I observed the healthy codependent interacting of these ducks within their environment & within their family unit. The interdependence between them. The independence of the ducklings as they wandered off on their own, maybe always knowing Mama and/or Papa were nearby. Them knowing when they’ve strayed too far, that maybe they still need their parents for certain things & at the same time their parents simultaneously giving them both freedom & independence. Allowing them to grow & thrive as they will.

They were an inspiration of interdependence in action!!!

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At the moment, I reckon the majority of the time, I am in independence – self love. I do dip into codependency – in a dysfunctional way. And what I am finding is that now that I know another way, it seems worse to step back into that role of needing to be needed.

I must say as well. There are people in my life who aren’t aware of my changes towards self love, even if I have spoken to them of my journey, who still treat me as though I am more in codependency. I am not sure why, maybe that’s how they will always see me. It takes extra energy with those people to maintain my new state. But I choose to do so.

Be prepared. When you make these kinds of changes in your life, some people, whether they are conscious of it or not, still need you to stay as you were, even if they say otherwise!!!! There is no fault here. It just is. 

These changes in behaviour are less than easy & as always, you have a choice.

A choice to stay as you have always been, or to change, expand, grow & eventually achieve a more permanent state of balance.


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In The Absence of Presence

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I used to dance. Actually for most of my life I was a dancer. I was also a choreographer. I never really got paid much for it. I mainly did it for the love of it. It was the only was that I could truly express myself. In fact I loved it so much, I eventually moved to London to dance for a couple of years & got to experience classes, shows & workshops with some awesomely inspirational people.

In 2007, as part of my final year of a Bachelor of Arts in Performance Studies, I choreographed my final piece. It was called “In the Absence of Presence”. At the time of choreographing it, I thought it was about myself & my partner at the time living in different countries for an extended period of time & how difficult that was.

However, looking back, there was always this little niggling feeling underneath it, that it wasn’t really about that. Which I chose to ignore. At the time I believed the relationship was something that it wasn’t.

Three years later, that 13 year relationship ended, in quite a shocking, heart breaking way, leaving me quite a mess, in quite a similar fashion as I have been lately. This break up also lead me to Kinesiology, so there is always light at the end of the tunnel, but I digress.

Another year or so later, I came across a flyer for “In the Absence of Presence”. I realised that the piece was never about me & my ex. It was about feeling absent from parts of me.

Now that was a massive revelation!!!!!!

And even now, with all the growth & change I have been experiencing, I am finding I am getting to another level of awareness of how I have been doing the same things. Trusting that the people around me, in my environment, know what is for my highest good. In that relationship, I believed my ex knew what was for my highest good, people now, the same thing, I have been putting faith in them & their truth above my own.

At the time I created “In the Absence of Presence”, I believed my ex’s truth SHOULD be my own. That was my awareness at the time.

Imagine my shock, disappointment, hurt & sadness to discover I am doing the same type of thing to this day. I have had a core belief that the truth of the people around me SHOULD be my own. And this is something that I am still working through & still feel shocked, disappointed, hurt & sad.

But little by little, step my step, I am gaining more awareness.

What really started me on this most recent path of new awareness, was my most recent Kinesiology session. Just looking at things from one level, my Kinesiologist was able to tap into a perspective that I hadn’t even considered for my situation at all.

It got me thinking. How often are we around the same people, with the same approaches to things, in the same environments? (This includes our own perspectives!!) How do we know when perhaps we need a fresh perspective? How do we know if perhaps our environments & the people in it (including ourselves) may actually be wanting us to stay in a particular way, because that’s what we know, that’s what the people around us know, & it may be serving a purpose. Others may need us to stay the way they want or need us to be, even if it is not for our highest good.

How often might we come across something or someone from our past & realise with a fresh perspective, what may have been going on underneath it all? Like coming across my flyer.

By the same token, is there a part of me that wants me, my environment & the people around me to stay as they are, because it is what I know, even if it isn’t for anyone’s highest good?

If this is the case, why? Why do we do this?

I find that this happens with my own Kinesiology clients as well. That even though there may be chronic pain, anxiety or other ongoing issues, there is a part of us that knows ourselves I like this & wants to remain the same, safe in what we know.

A part of us that maybe knows that once we have the awareness, change & growth inevitably follows. This can be scary…the unknown!!!

As one of my clients said, “Do I want to work that hard for something or someone?”

 

So how do we grow within this? Are we even aware of how we are keeping ourselves in a particular state of being? As with me in my session, my awareness was absent. Absent of some limitations I was putting on myself, how my environment & some people around me felt limiting. It was a bit of a shock to realise this absence of awareness, this absence of presence in my existence. Again!!!

I have been separating myself from the dancer part of me for a long time. For too long. I have been limiting myself with excuses:

  • I am so much older
  • All my injuries have come back to haunt me
  • I am not dance fit
  • Actually I’m not fit full stop!!!
  • All the contemporary classes – which are my thang, are on the other side of town.

So…..limiting myself. Silly jordie.

In my kinesiology session, one of the things we worked on was being free to be me. About releasing a cage around my heart from when I was five. I had separated my emotional self because it kept getting rejected. I have been told through my life that I am too emotional, too sensitive, too intense. What I have realised is that I need to embrace it, welcome it, to own it.

Instead of rejecting myself for it. Maybe in accepting & owning that I am emotional, myself & others wouldn’t see it as a negative thing.

I had put limits on my emotional self being free.

So now I am posed with the question of what do I want to create? Do I want to continue to limit myself with how I can get back into dancing now? Or do I want to allow my focus with dance to be as it originally was. To express my true self. To move because I enjoy it, it brings me joy, allows me to expand in the physical sense of the word.

And if I allow myself to create expansion with dance expression, with the expression of how I truly feel, can I allow that intention to flow into creating that true expression through other aspects of my life? To feel the presence of all parts of me, not just the ones that I or someone else deem to be acceptable, but all parts. With no absence of presence.

I have found a couple of adult classes. The next step is to go & experience them with no expectation, and with the intention of feeling the joy of moving in this way again.

As with the awareness, one step at a time.

Ask yourself if you have ever felt those underlying niggling questions or doubts about a person or a situation.

Now ask yourself, what do you want to do about it? What do you want to create? Are you thinking, feeling, behaving in a way to create the life that you want?

Are you aware of what you want to create for yourself?