Jordio Kinesiology – with Jordie Slonim | Melbourne, Australia

Kinesiology & Vibrational Healing


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Duality/ Nonduality of Panic & Resilience

Have you ever felt panicked or anxious?

What story do you tell yourself when you’re in the middle of it?

When you dig into it, you’re likely to discover its usually an ‘I’m not good enough’ story.

IMG_0045In Kinesiology, we work on every aspect of self. So what happens physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, hormonally, chemically, relationally, socially when you are in a perpetual, daily state of fight, flight, freeze, fragmentation?

I remember 3 distinct times I went through extended periods of panic attacks. 

The physiology in each event was fairly similar. Nervousness around my solar plexus, denseness of breath, waking up, navigating my day, going to bed – all with a sense of panic & dread, not eating (definitely not my usual stress response). And not knowing when it would end was excruciating.

The first of these panic experiences, I was living in London, and after a series of stressful events, Iwitnessed a physical attack on my girlfriend.

The second was living in Ireland, 13 years later & breaking up with that same girlfriend.

The most recent was within the last 6 weeks, after my housemate was verbally abusive & aggressive,and, subsequently, needing to find a new housemate.

So, Panic. What is it?

Physiologically, we are programmed for survival. Our primitive responses kick in. To keep us alive. The digestive & reproductive systems slow, blood is directed to our arms & legs so we can either run away or fight. We become fully present in this fight/ flight response. Everything is about that. 

It forces you to be present, and yet not, at the same time. It’s not the only thing, but it is the only thing you can give to. Duality.

Within the housemate event, almost everything else in my life stopped. I did the bare minimum of work. My client base dropped, all extra work on creating my kinesiology protocols abated. All I could think about was – I need a new housemate.

And, with my current awarenesses through kinesiology & other tools & exploration of duality, navigating these panic attacks was a different experience.

The only tool that got me through that stage of extreme panic, was saying to myself, “Right now, in this second, I am good. I have a roof, I have a bed, I have food.”, over & over, sometimes hundreds of times a day, to navigate the physiology.

Amidst the physical sensations of panic, I knew I was telling myself a story, an ‘I’m not good enough’ story. 

Not good enough stories are about shame. Shame is a trauma response. So is panic. So maybe under every panic attack there’s a not good enough story. So I asked that panic feeling some questions.

And this is what I discovered:

My housemate not good enough story I was telling myself was, “No one wants me.” I was messaging loads of people & loads of them either didn’t respond or found one tiny thing wrong with the place. It was rare someone contacted me to see the space. 

After understanding this story & managing to employ SOME of my tools, I flipped the story, to embody ‘I am beautiful’, (a less than easy thing for me to write). 

Things changed, I had people contacting me, lots of them. And after I found someone, still lots of them were contacting me. 

By the way, an absolutely crucial element of bringing yourself out of shame is to share your story with someone you trust. “If you put shame in a petri dish and cover it with judgement, silence and secrecy, it grows out of control.” Brene Brown – ‘I Thought It Was Just Me (But It isn’t)

Sometimes, words mean nothing. Sometimes you just need someone with you in empathy, possibly saying something like, ‘this fucking sucks’. You simply need to be heard & seen, to help you out of that secrecy, silence & judgement. So I contacted a friend, something I wouldn’t have done before because I wouldn’t want to be a burden.

Sound familiar?

Over the past 8 or so years, since I broke up with the aforementioned girlfriend, through kinesiology, I have cleared many layers of what has been getting in the way of building & trusting my own resilience.

In the middle of this excruciating panic, alongside the reveal of this ‘No one wants me story’ I was able to have an awareness of the duality of the absolute gift of this situation. This housemate has been a magnificent teacher.

Her behaviour showed me the underlying childhood pattern playing out:

From childhood, here’s how it went…

  •  I do something ‘wrong’, 
  • there is verbal abuse, 
  • sometimes hitting, 
  • always name calling, 
  • I wouldn’t understand what I had done, 
  • no one would tell me, 
  • I would be ignored 
  • an eggshell environment was created
  • a few days later, they would act like nothing happened.

Two of my biggest shame triggers – Rejection and being Ignored.

Except for the hitting part, my housemate played this scenario out exactly!

And, I am abundantly grateful that while it was happening 

  1. I stayed aligned with my values of connection & autenticity, 
  2. I didn’t treat her how she treated me & for the most part kept calm
  3. I stood up for myself
  4. I could see this pattern from childhood

Resilience. 

Its only through building resilience & trust in my core values as guiding lights, that I feel totally magnificent about how I showed up, my integrity in tact, that I was able to celebrate that afterwards & didn’t do what I would usually do – give myself a hard time.

 During the housemate altercation, I could BE in the duality of the moment – the panic AND seeing the big picture with absolute love & compassion.

Finding a new housemate – the duality of panic about my ‘No one wants me’ story AND embodying the new ‘I am beautiful’ story at the same time. Being the compassionate witness, watching myself navigating the duality of the two stories – facsinating.

Panic. Shame. Resilience. Calm.

Can you be in both extremes of something simultaneously? The dualities?

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The Duality of Connection & Disconnection: Acts of Kindness During Christmas and Beyond.

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About a week ago, I had a friend message me to check in with me, in acknowledgement that Christmas is not always the happiest time of year for everyone.

She is spot on.

Christmas can be a time of joy, belonging, connectedness and family, and it can be a time of grief, loneliness, disconnection and separation.

Many people have a tough time around Christmas for varied reasons. Being surrounded with themes of being with family & friends in the media, and for many of us, the dreaded question, “What are you doing for Christmas?”, can exacerbate loneliness and enhance feelings of inadequacy.

For me, there is a sense of dread every year. I am of Jewish background and don’t celebrate Christmas or Jewish holidays either, and generally don’t have options to spend the day with people. It is also a time when a dear friend committed suicide a few days before Christmas, 8 years ago.

This creates a space of duality.

I can acknowledge and feel grateful to know about the belonging, joy & connectedness of others, whilst at the same time feeling my own pain of disconnection & grief, and the similar pains of others.

Holding space for this duality simultaneously, is also a paradox. It takes much energy to hold this kind of space, without getting caught up in one end of the scale or the other and staying in a space of acknowledging and honouring the contrast. At the same time, there is a sacredness of connection in being in this duality – the duality of feeling disconnection from most people around me with their joy and belonging and connected BECAUSE I am holding space for their connection and my disconnection simultaneously.

To know my pain doesn’t diminish another’s joy or vice versa – that is what makes me feel more connected. I can feel grateful for other’s joy, whilst simultaneously not denying my grief.

The simple acknowledgement from my friend that it may not be the happiest time, the act of checking in, can have such an impact on a person’s life. Not just st this time, but any time. Just to know someone was thinking of me, knowing my situation, filled my heart with connection and gratitude and meant so much to me.

If you know of people who are likely to be alone this Christmas or even suspect as much, a simple act of kindness in this crazy busy time could be a small message, text or phone call: “Hey, I was thinking of you.” 

And not only for Christmas. “Hey, I’m thinking of you.” at any time can help transform someone’s not so great energy, to feel even just a little more uplifted.

I like to check in with people, just as much as I like people to check in with me. It is a simple act of kindness, that can create a loving, generous, uplifting vibration to ripple through our interconnectedness.


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Embodying Presence

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Ten years ago, around this time of year, I was presenting my graduate performance choreography, “In The Absence of Presence” for my Bachelor of Arts in Performance Studies.

It was a challenging time as my then partner and I were at the same time planning to move back to live in Ireland where her family live.

I decided to do the piece, as for the year before, my partner was living in Ireland and I was in Australia. At that stage, we had been together for 10 years. The theme of the piece was about what I was going through, living away from my partner for a year. Absence, longing, belonging, waiting, waiting, waiting.

At the time of making the work, I had glimmers of what it was really about, glimmers that I quickly shoved aside.

It was really about being absent from my own presence. I was lost. I didn’t know who I was for a long time before I made the choreography and for a very long time afterwards.

I had a kinesiology session today and something wonderful emerged with what I have been experiencing of late.

My way to move to the next stage of connection, expansion, balance and growth is to embody presence.

I have been intellectualising my spiritual self and abandoning it at the same time. I’ve been resisting that I can trust the flow of spiritual growth. I’ve been in a state of looking for proof of anything and everything instead of leaning into the joy of what I love with Kinesiology and the research I’ve been doing to develop new protocols, ironically, one new protocol about elements of trust.

I haven’t been integrating spiritual growth with other aspects of myself.

Over the last few months, many of my clients have needed brain integration balancing, and many of those sessions have also been about being present.

The techniques I employ in a kinesiology session, in these cases, to do with brain integration, not only help clients become more present in their lives, they also have had spectacular results in gaining clarity for decision making, gaining focus, clearing brain fog, and moving forward with ease and confidence in trusting the entirety of their being.

In our growth, integration of all aspects of self, even those parts we may not necessarily want to integrate, go to make us whole. In clearing the blockages to integration, we move our whole self forward, embodying presence.

How do you embody presence?