I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately about the nature of addiction. About what we get addicted to & why we get addicted to it.
I have been a smoker & I used to drink Coke – both addictions. Both things that are considered to be an addiction as such. An addiction to a substance.
But what about all the other stuff?
Have you ever considered that a behavior can be an addiction? Or even an emotion could be an addiction?
Isn’t it more about the need for something? The need to maybe cover up something? The need to possibly not face our emotions?
For the past few months I have been going through a pretty major transformation. This last weekend was incredibly difficult, challenging & revealed to me some things.
I do this thing to cover up my feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, lack of self worth. I set up time with people to do stuff, or even on my own, to distract. I also have a bit of an addiction to over thinking.
So what do you do when plans get changed, people have other things that take precedence & all your plans to actually help yourself through a situation fail? When you recognize you actually need help & maybe making arrangements to do something with people is a way of asking for it without asking for it?
You are left to rely on yourself, as I was. And I am finding this happening more & more lately. Its like the Universe is saying to me, “Deal with this alone.” And sometimes, like this weekend, I just don’t have the energy or strength to deal with it alone. I have felt that strength to do it alone has been less than easy to maintain.
I have no solutions here, no magic potions, no ground breaking way through.
I guess I’m just wondering how many of us go through this? How many of us do all we can to help ourselves, only to find those things not working, or changing. And then not knowing what to do.
In my case, I’ve been looking outside of myself for help. There is my addiction to distraction. But maybe there is also a fine line between finding the strength from within to help yourself & recognizing when you do actually need some help, maybe just someone to listen, someone to be there to cry on their shoulder, someone to go to a playground with & play on the swings, to be silly.
Maybe, there are times when I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
So when is distraction too much distraction? Distraction has been great for me to stop over thinking. But I guess as has been shown to me this weekend, when I rely on things or people outside of me to help me through too much, it can become more of an addiction.
The irony is, I work with addictions in my Kinesiology work. So maybe this is all being shown to me so that I can have more of an understanding about the root causes of an addiction, and help my clients with their addictions on a more in depth level.
Often addictions to substances cover up other addictive behaviors. So in my case take away the addiction to smoking & drinking coke – which took a lot of work to get through, & the behavior is still there.
Addictions are ways to avoid unacceptable feelings. We can become driven by them. Our life is no longer a conscious choice. Our freedom is absent.
Addictive behaviors are mood altering – whether its food, drugs, alcohol or in my case distraction, it is mood altering. It helps manage my feelings.
The life damaging aspects to an addiction or compulsion:
- It causes personal dysfunction
- It blocks you from getting your needs met through your own human powers
- It takes up all your energy
- Your choices are narrowed
- Your freedom is lost
- Your will becomes disabled
- You become driven to the addiction/ compulsion
- Your life is powerless & unmanageable
Kinesiology can help you work through these issues in the right priority, at the right time, in a gentle way to restore harmony to the soul.
The focus with Kinseiology is to bring back choice, rather than having a reaction to a situation, responding to it with choice & freedom. There is a reason we call a Kinesiology session a balance. Because it is about finding balance.
John Bradshaw, author of “The Family” states that in the family of an alcoholic, everyone is driven by the distress of not having their needs met.
So do you think that maybe any addiction is about the distress of not having your needs met?
So as I have done this past weekend, ask yourself, “If I was free of this addiction/ compulsion what would I do?”
Is there anything you are trying to stop yourself from feeling? What are you using to stop the feelings? Is it cigarettes, alcohol, distraction, constant drama in your life, an emotion like anger?
Do you want freedom & choice? Do you want to feel like you have the power to help yourself?
Distraction has been an enormous help for me, but it has gotten to the point where I am relying on it to get me through. That is the recognition for me that it has become unhealthy. It helped me survive, but now it has become something that I am allowing to block my choices & sense of freedom. I am putting all of my sense of self worth into these distractions.
The behavior, the distraction, as I have realized, is the desire for connection, to belong. So whilst I have cleared what I would call the surface level behaviors – the smoking & drinking coke, I still have some work to do in these areas, to maintain a sense of connection with myself. So if I can feel & maintain that connection on the inside, it will reflect to me on the outside. I won’t need to distract from my feelings, because I feel that sense of connection, of belonging, of value, no matter what is happening on the outside. So I guess that is my journey towards emotional resilience.