How do you talk to yourself and how does that affect you in your everyday life?
When I was about 14 or 15, I played competition squash. In one of my first matches, I was doing really well and feeling very confident. It was game point and all I had to do was win this point and I would win the match, best out of 3 games.
I made a silly mistake and lost the point. The way I spoke to myself after losing that point was horrendous. I then went on to lose that game, and then the next and then the next until I had gone from nearly winning 3-0, to losing 2-3.
With each point I lost, I was harder and harder on myself, I felt angrier and ashamed.
The words I said to myself, affected my performance
In our every day lives, we each have many roles – wife, mother, daughter, husband, father, son, friend, acquaintance, colleague, boss – I’m sure you can think of many more.
Our reactions and responses may vary widely depending on the role we are in. The amount of time or energy one role encompasses, or the demands of that role, may also vary and infringe on other roles, affecting our performance.
For example, if you have had a particularly stressful day at work, how may that affect your role in your family?
Our self image in a role is affected by our performance in that role and the things we say to ourselves in that role.
Our self talk about our performance has a powerful effect on our performance and is the most effective place to break the cycle of poor performance, poor self image and negative self talk about ourselves and our performance.
No matter if the performance was good or not, what we say before and after will affect our self image in that role
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking as when we created them.” Albert Einstein
If all you hear from yourself is critical, negative self talk, these messages you are giving yourself lower the level of your performance.
They create stress and increased effort and pressure to perform at a level that is satisfying for you. Because the disappointment of not doing better is so great, we’re upset with ourselves in that role and the result is a low self image.
We create a cycle of negative self talk, lowering our confidence, lowering our self esteem, our self worth and our energy levels. This cycle may ultimately lead to withdrawing from trying new things which help us to expand, learn and grow.
- How many hats do you wear in how many roles in your life?
- What are the responsibilities that go with those hats?
- Do you feel that any of your roles infringe on any other roles?
- How do you find a balance?
I will often explain to my clients, that a large part of what we do in Kinesiology is to relieve the stress in situations, so that you can function more at your optimum level.
We don’t deny or suppress what is going on, but we work with your circumstances to release the obstacles which may block you from achieving, in this case, your optimum self in each role, within each of the hats that you may wear, and help you to find a healthy balance.